shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
