I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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