so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
