i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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