If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
