singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
