Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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