She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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