Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There r osticjed everywhere
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
