My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
