I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
