piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My vagina is officially offended.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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