haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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