Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
porn star boner night. come get it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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