i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
