Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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