I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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