Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
