He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
