This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this beer tastes like vomit already
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
