True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
