i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
