If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
