Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to have your abortion
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
