I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
