Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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