Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
