She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
