He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
