I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
