It's like God shit irony all over that family
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
