so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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