i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The air was thick with penises
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
