I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
