you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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