the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
