i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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