when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
two words...techno handjob
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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