So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
