these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
