Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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