I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
