hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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