ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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