You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
