Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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