TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
