Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
