They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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