once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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