We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
