i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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